By Amanda Uwase.
“Christian men are opting out of dating, but I’ve never opted out.”
That was what Jason Jiang said when I asked if he was dating or not.
In my church communities, I have seen many young men opting out of dating this year, and it’s only February.
Thinking as to why women have not made it any easier, even seeing having a boyfriend as embarrassing, I sat down with 3 Christian men I know to see if I could get more insight instead of guessing.
Interviews
These eligible bachelors have taken an oath of not chasing women, but why? They have jobs, are in their 20s, and have no baby mommas or kids to feed, so even the most ready on paper are, in theory, not prepared to go through the humiliation ritual we know as dating. What’s really holding them back?
Speaking to Douglas Ebeleghe, 26, admin support and database specialist, in Ikea after our monthly Bible study, I approached him with, “Can I ask you some dating questions?” He stopped me mid-sentence. “I didn’t get a trim, so no,” he said with a panicked look. I interjected, “it’s okay, it’s for an article,” which seemed to relax him a little, though the idea of giving an interview that wouldn’t end up on camera threw him off. But we’re old-fashioned over here.
“No, I’m not dating,” Douglas said when I finally asked.
“I want to focus on confirming my purpose,” he added.
He leaned on that word ‘purpose’, like it was a crutch. “Adam was given authority and dominion over animals before God decided to give him a wife,” he explained. To him, purpose comes first, relationships later.
“When I find my purpose, God will put the right woman in my life.”
Dating apps, he said, weren’t his vibe. “Nothing wrong with them, I just don’t believe that’s how God works.” He quoted Matthew 6:33 and then said, “Why not look to the One who created it [marriage]? It’s easy to marry someone who’s not for you.”
I asked what he does during the waiting period.
“Keeping my eyes on Jesus, not on women,” he said, glancing away. “Despite how easy it is not to.” He spoke of seeking God inwardly, of trusting that “God knows how to give good gifts.” But then I posed the question “what if God calls you into singleness like Paul?”
He hesitated.
“Paul called himself into singleness,” he said quietly. “Not God.”
Speaking to Emmanuel Omisakin, Hydro Civil Engineer, 25, over the weekend, after getting sidetracked at the same Bible study in Ikea, debating whether women should chase men. Long story short, it felt like a political debate, and Emmanuel had plenty to say.
“Dating in 2026? I’m not attracted to anyone,” he said, bluntly.
“I just feel I’m not in the right space. Still too selfish with my time, goals, and space.” He paused. “I just don’t want to make time for someone right now,” he spoke candidly.
“I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend,” he admitted, then added, “If you can handle it, dating is good. If not, don’t force it. I don’t feel pressured.”
His voice was certain, the way people sound when they’ve carefully avoided the messier parts of a potential relationship.
“There’s no hope to be lost,” he continued. “Widen your horizon. Define what you want. Have non-negotiables.” He mentioned social events as a way to meet people casually.
Dating apps? “Not against them,” he inserted. “If you’re going in with the right intentions, you’ll know what’s not for you. It’s just… a way of broadening your horizons.”
He talked about confidence, money, and matching personalities, like he was reviewing a list rather than speaking about something he longed for. The logic made sense, but somewhere between the pauses, it sounded more like self-protection than a wanted choice.
Finally, I met Jason Jiang, 21 a stylist and social media creator, at a Christian Valentine’s event, and he was dressed to impress; of course, being a stylist, he did himself justice in a black tailored suit.
Prepared for whoever he set his eyes on, but being me, I interrupted him to get a final perspective on young Christian men dating, and he had this to say: “Christian men are opting out of dating, but I’ve never opted out.” He smiled.
“If someone comes to me, cool, but I also believe you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” That line felt like his whole philosophy wrapped in one sentence: steady confidence, without arrogance.
Jason likes to explore his options, but always, as he put it, “with respect.” “I’ll take a woman out to dinner and get to know her first,” he said.
“A lot of people are into hookup culture now, that’s just not my vibe.” Dating apps? “Soft porn,” he said flatly. “I’d rather see someone in real life, look at how they carry themselves, what they’re interested in.”
Recently single, he spoke like someone who had processed his last relationship with clarity instead of bitterness.
His advice to both men and women was simple: “If someone doesn’t align with you, don’t force it. If you have to double-think it, you shouldn’t be dating.” He paused, smiling more softly this time. “When the right person comes, you’ll just know. That’s home, and you’ll want to go back to that person.”
So are Christian men afraid to date?
According to these interviews, they are hiding behind their purpose or are honestly too self-centered to even want to date, but there is one who is open and ready to love.
Their opinions reflected a diverse range of answers to this question. But in the end, all three expressed a belief in love. Even those who just left a relationship have hopes of finding the one through dating, not God magically placing someone in their lives.
Image Credit: Tenor